


let the record show

by apolliades



Series: if home is where the heart is [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bittersweet, Canon Compliant, M/M, Marriage, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), like.... to a point lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-30 00:50:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8512396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apolliades/pseuds/apolliades
Summary: “Marry me. We might be dead by next week. Marry me.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> today is awful so i sat down for a couple of hours and wrote about sirius and remus getting married during the war. it's a bit messy and kind of sad. i don't know? that's all i really have to say about this. hope you enjoy :(
> 
> (ps: this goes alongside my other fic, "lupin, who was staying in the house with sirius", but can stand alone, too)

They didn’t have a wedding. But they had a marriage.

It was Sirius who asked, and it wasn’t romantic, or sweet, or anything like how he’d imagined, when he’d been twenty and tearing up watching Lily’s white dress billow as James spun her in the air. Instead it was unexpected, snapped out of him after an argument. One of their really brutal ones, snarling at each other across the dusty kitchen table, hackles up, canine, ferocious, heated and fierce in the way that only two people who at the same time were certain they wouldn’t lose each other and terrified that they might could be.

Remus jerked away from the table first, began to pace, three quick steps one way, three quick steps back again, with his fingers raking through his hair, his mouth twisted. Sirius hunched back against the opposite wall, bristling, his frustration and rage so hot and visceral he shook with it. Too much of it for his body to contain. 

That violent energy burst out of his mouth as a proposal _._

As soon as he said it Remus stopped dead in his tracks. His head shot up. His response was a quick, sharp, “What?” 

“Marry me,” Sirius repeated, unwavering, eyes on fire. “We might be dead by next week. Marry me.”

-

It wasn’t exactly entirely legal. Sirius was still a convicted criminal; trying to file marriage papers with his name on them would’ve been an act of practically suicidal stupidity. But they got them, and signed them, sitting alone together in the quiet, by the fire. They would have kept it between themselves, too, had there not been a need for witnesses. For a good minute or two they’d stared at the blank spaces at the bottom of the page, Sirius worrying the end of his pen between his teeth. It would be better to keep it quiet, they’d thought, decided mutually without really having to talk about. But they weren’t exactly in a position to be fussy. 

Molly, close to tears, hands shaking as she signed, said she wished they’d said something sooner; she would’ve made them a cake. Arthur clutched their hands tight when he shook them. Their smiles were tired and bittersweet. 

There wasn’t a ceremony. When he’d been twenty, Sirius had thought there might be. He’d imagined it small but happy, full of laugher, and light, with James at his side like he’d been at his. Maybe Lily would’ve shed a tear or two — but it probably would’ve been Sirius himself doing most of the crying, really. He’d have cried with joy when Remus said _I do_ and put the ring onto his finger. Cried with laughter at whatever heartfelt bullshit James put into his speech. Their first kiss as newlyweds would’ve been damp and smiling and beautiful.

But he wasn’t twenty, anymore, and there was no James, and there was no Lily, and there was no time for crying. There were rings — simple gold rings, unimposing, easy to overlook — because they were doing it for a reason, after all. They were doing it so that if they did die next week, each would be remembered alongside the other. Their names would be bound for good. Their bodies would be buried with proof that they’d loved and been loved — so there were rings. And there was a kiss. Once the vows were said and rings exchanged and papers signed — and locked away, somewhere safe and private, to be filed officially _one day,_ one day when it was all over, if that day ever came — there was a kiss. Eyes shut tight, Sirius’ fingers twisted into the fabric of Remus’ jumper, Remus’ warm hands cupping his face. A kiss that didn’t want to stop. 

-

Sirius lay awake late into that night, twisting the little gold ring around and around his finger. Remus watched him, stroking idly through Sirius’ hair. 

“I’m sorry it was like this,” Sirius said, eventually, his voice soft and quick. Opposite him, Remus raised a brow in question, and didn’t still his hand. “I mean I’m sorry I asked you to marry me by shouting at you. Probably not the greatest start, is it.”

He was aiming for humour, and didn’t quite make it, but Remus smiled nonetheless. One of his slow, knowing smiles, the kind that had always fascinated Sirius to no end because he still couldn’t quite work out what it meant. 

“I wouldn’t have expected any less of you,” he said, wryly, leaving Sirius’ hair alone to stroke the backs of his knuckles over his cheek instead. 

“Should’ve got down on one knee,” Sirius continued, “Got you flowers, or something. Put a ring in a… in a bit of cake.” 

Remus was quiet. Smiled, and let Sirius ramble, and stroked his hair back off his face. 

“Maybe we can do it properly when this is over, if we’re still alive. With a fucking… one of those big tents. And champagne, and… all the rest of it.” 

“You still wouldn’t get me in a dress.” 

“Mm. Spoilsport. Might get _me_ in one. Although you _do_ have the better legs for it.” 

That earned a laugh, and Sirius grinned despite himself. It was so hard to make Remus laugh these days, so much harder than it already had been. He cherished it every time. 

They were quiet for a minute. Both of them were worn out; Sirius’ constant pent up energy took its toll, and Remus’ constant roaming the country wasn’t doing him a huge deal of good either. It was rare they got to go to bed together like that, and only seemed a shame that when they did, they were usually asleep within minutes from sheer exhaustion alone. So in the quiet, between the sheets, it was easy to drift. Sirius watched Remus’ eyes close. 

“I would’ve asked anyway,” his voice was even softer, this time. “If all of this— all of _this_ — if it wasn’t happening. I still would’ve asked.” Remus didn’t say anything, but he hummed softly to show he was still awake, he was listening. Sirius shifted up closer, so they were nose to nose, so he could whisper. “In a world without this war I’d still want you to be my husband. Moony. In any world. In every world.” 

Remus opened his eyes again, slowly, because Sirius’ voice had turned thick, and his hand had closed around his wrist, tight and warm. Sirius’ grey eyes were shining silver. “I love you,” he said, sounding almost desperate, grasping Remus’ wrist so hard it was starting to hurt. “I love you.” 

Gently, Remus twisted out of his grip, and took his hand firmly between both of his own instead. His were steady where Sirius’ shook. Beneath his fingers he could feel Sirius’ bones, still pressed far too close against his skin, and the cool, smooth metal of the ring. “I know,” he said, looking straight into his eyes, unfaltering, sincere. “I know.” 

And now so would everyone else. 

-

Sirius told Harry on his own, pulled him aside after dinner one night and sat him down on the sofa, and suddenly found he didn’t quite know what to say. 

He began with, “There’s something I want to tell you,” and then went quiet. Harry sat beside him and looked at him, expectantly. Christ, he looked so much like James. Sirius couldn’t stop thinking it, no matter how much time passed. So, so much like James. He wondered if telling James would make him this nervous. 

“I don’t know if you know— Remus and I—”

It felt strange, to be lost for words, when usually he was overflowing with them. Harry was starting to look confused, and then concerned, and Sirius still felt like he was trying to speak with his tongue tied in a knot, so in the end he just lifted the hand with the ring on it and gave a sheepish little wave. 

It seemed to take Harry a second to catch on, but when he did, his face split into the biggest, brightest grin. His eyes lit up, delighted, and he looked so, so much like both of them. 

“Oh, Sirius!” he said, “Oh, that’s brilliant! Congratulations!” And hugged him, tight. 

-

Everyone else gradually found out on their own, after that. Remus and Sirius left them to it — making an announcement would’ve felt like too much of a big deal, and there wasn’t really time to go around telling everyone individually. Hermione told Remus she thought it was wonderful, and that she could’ve guessed the moment she saw them together. The twins offered congratulatory thumps on the shoulders and jokes that verged on the inappropriate. Tonks scolded them for not letting her get them a present, and then cried, and tried to hug the both of them at once. Ron caught on eventually. 

In her portrait, Walburga screamed, and screamed, and screamed, but she was trapped there in paint and canvas, and screaming was all she could do, and Sirius flipped her off with his ring hand and laughed, and laughed, and laughed. 

It was nice. It felt right, even if the circumstances hadn’t been, even if Sirius still caught his mind wandering to what could’ve been, if he’d had the chance to do it properly. But when he caught a flash of light glint off the ring on Remus’ hand, and knew he’d been the one to put it there, it felt right. When he thought of those papers, locked away waiting for _one day_ — Harry had come to him and sworn, with a fervour that made him feel proud, that if it came down to it he would personally make sure they were filed — and his name, his slightly messy flourish next to Remus’ neat teacher’s scroll, it felt right. 

This war could kill him, if it wanted to. It could kill them both. Sirius did not doubt that it would try. But at least now, when history wrote their names, it would write them side by side.


End file.
